It will be a long 4 months. Grueling. Hard. To go into the 16 weeks of marathon training with a good base is extremely crucial. Over the last month I have done between 50-55km on hills as a part of the training for Satara. My Hill-o-phobia is well known, and might I add quite widespread. To tackle this fear head-on, in this new avatar of mine, I jumped, literally and figuratively onto the train to Satara!

Without checking the route or elevation(of course I had heard horror stories…how bad could it be I thought?), I registered. 10.5 km up and 10.5 km down. Ok . Cool. A No-brainer. The road which went up would also bring me down. The main difference I figured was that these 10km were all UP with no rest..no break. So I started training…

Gentle hills.

Rolling hills.

Steep hills.

Down hill.

Aaarrrgghhhhh!

For one month I ran only hills. 4 days a week. Explored every nook and cranny of the neighborhood, scrounging for any incline that I could find and put my stamp on it. Parul Sheth was here!

Malabar hill

Peddar road (hill!)

Nepeansea road

Kemps corner

Carmicheal road( should be called Mount Carmicheal)

Alatamount Road ( Altamount Hill)

As the rest of the group slogged with pace, long distance and intervals, Rahul and I huffed and puffed up hills. The Sunday runs were like a maze. Up and down endlessly. Pace was out of question. The weather was punishing. My mind was weak.  But we kept at it prodigiously. One foot in front of the other.

I saw a remarkable change in less than 2 weeks. I found rhythm. Found my pace in going uphill. Realized that I could run nonstop. Once I accepted that this training was going to be difficult, but I wanted to do it, it did not seem as daunting any more.  So I left my Garmin at home and cruised from one hill to another at snail’s pace. Deep breathing and willingness were my strengths.

Come Saturday, the Satara Stalwarts met at V.T. station. In a compartment full of runners, all headed towards the slaughterhouse, we were the noisiest bunch. 2 minutes was the maximum time that Urmi and I could pass without bursting into a stream of giggles. We were partners in crime and the unfortunate victims were Roshan and Rahul (R and R). We did not miss any opportunity to pull their leg, behaving like a couple of giddy city girls on their first train ride! What fun it was! And I must add here, they were good sports who smiled sweetly through the Chinese torture. And the others on the train had no choice but to tolerate our bad behavior. But, I think now, Roshan and Rahul will only chose to run those runs where Parul and Urmi are not there!

8 hours later we reached Satara station, where we had to make a 3 foot jump to the platform due to the level difference. I went for it, and scrambled across the stony tracks with my back pack, and clambered up to the platform again. This is when I developed imaginary pain in my right knee. Woe!

At the expo I saw the chart of the inclines. On calculation, it was Walkeshwar for the first 3 km and then 8 Peddar Roads over the next 7km. the gradient was the steepest from 3-7 km. that was the real battle. So this race was about the first 7km. One hour of my life. That is what it had boiled down to. The test of my mind for 60 minutes. Only  Run. No walk.

The previous week Rahul had sent me an article about running hills based on perceived effort. I kept that as my guide and paced my climb. The steeper the incline, the slower my pace. When I felt it get easier I would up the pace. As a result my breathing never varied.  After warming up for a couple of initial kilometers I readied myself and took on the Ghats. I did not look up. Focused on my breathing. Never let it reach a furious pace. Each kilometer seemed to stretch like a mile. As I encouraged the other runners fighting the slopes with me, I pushed myself along. 2 km of the toughest part done, only 2 more to go. And we kept going.  The scene was beautiful. Lush green fields and amber hillsides. Deep blue sky and a smattering of white fluffy clouds. I did not let my focus veer. I had a goal in mind. I went for it.

The climb was relentless. I was determined. And then came the flat stretch. I was almost done. I heaved a sigh of relief and picked up pace and how. But at kilometer 10 came a short steep hill. That was the straw which broke my back. And I exclaimed loudly, ready to give up. That is when I heard an angel telling me not to give up. Go up faster! And that was it. I woke up from my slow motion. Pumped my arms. Lifted my knees and sped up the hill. My mind pushed me…”It’s a Hill, Get over it!” and I did.

I raced to the halfway mark and saw many familiar faces who were a couple of minutes ahead of me. And with this u turn everything changed. My spirit, my stance, my song. From “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” I was singing “Eye of the tiger!” I pick up pace, gathered momentum and set my feet rolling. Easy motion. Smooth. As I got into groove, I passed both the 2.45 hour buses. And then the 2.30 hour buses and a lot of the people who had passed me on their way up! I was flying. No time in this race for conversation! But I did manage to gather a few in my 2.20 bus. But they fell off along the way as I ran like a demon possessed past a misty sleeping Satara. I got faster and faster.

Come kilometer 18 a hill appeared.Was I hallucinating? No! it was real… And there I applied brakes. Broke my rhythm and slowed down. But then lo behold..Sunil Handa (a 1.45 Finsher) appeared. God sent. He pushed me in the last 2.5 km. motivated me to try for a sub 2.15 finish. When Sunil told me to sprint the last kilometer, my reply was, “I am already sprinting.” But fact was that I wasn’t … I could have picked up. I had just given up in my head…  But I could bring myself upto pushing now. My pace remained 5.15 min/km. Only when I did see the finish line did I break into a sprint. Only 400m. Not enough. I finished 2.16 because I did not dig deep enough. All the rest did well. Abbas, Sunil, Roshan, Malay, Santa, Rahul, Urmi, Mulraj. Stars of Satara.

For me this Satara Half Marathon had been about climbing. Once that was accomplished I gave up on the timing. I tried only for what I had planned for. A small part. I had not thought about the race as a whole. Had I asked for more, maybe I would have got it. A podium position. Was I 50 seconds faster I would have been third place in my category! My mind was talking too much, Mulraj pointed out. Maybe its true. This shows is how small our brain is. A small voice can become a cacophony.  I got what I wanted. This is why they tell us. Aim high. Don’t settle. Have faith that you can achieve it. That will give you the courage to go for it.

Yes, the race went well. It was well organized and the toughest half marathon that I have ever run. I am happy I ran uphill nonstop. Did I give this race all I had? Maybe not.  No room in this training schedule for lethargy. No room now for slacking. Each workout and each run has to be maximized. The stakes are high. I am not ready to pay the price of failure. I aim to better my time from last year. Even a minute more than 4.09 will mean defeat.

So come SCMM 2015. No mind. Only run.

The 4k uphill in Satara will be my toughest challenge yet. In preparation for that I need to up my training, improve my endurance and change my mindset towards hills. In principle today’s plan was a simple 21k run over a few rolling hills  around my childhood neighbourhood and back to Nariman Point over Peddar Road. But it turned into a test of my resilience. An advanced lesson in Endurance.

To my good luck And Persi’s bad luck,  he agreed to accompany  me on my crazy adventure . I met Persi for the first time a month ago. He is a great sub-2 half marathon runner who used to train with Savio until some time ago when he moved to the suburbs. He came today all set for a simple 12-13k. Instead, he got a full half marathon with all elements, including drama and emotion. In my defense, I did tell him several times to take a cab….but he too was adamant, I think!

I had my Garmin on as I have never run this route before. As we ran up over Walkeshwar, down to Banganga- the governor’s gate and turned to go towards Nepean sea road, it had hardly been 8 km!!!! I was just not able to gauge how much I had run, as the effort I was putting in just did not seem proportional to the time and distance covered. I was plodding ahead, one foot in front of the other, watching the digital numbers on my Garmin change at a ridiculous pace! I was running but didn’t seem like I was moving ahead at all!!!

Then we went up Kemp’s corner, onto Spenta towards Hanging Gardens and then down again, towards Breach Candy. After that we turned around and then returned to NCPA over Peddar road.

I have run some parts of this circuit several times over the last few years. Along the roads I have identified some “Stopping Points”. These are landmarks where my mind gives up and my feet would slow down, and I would gradually ease into walk. On Walkeshwar it is at the Birla school, going up from the Governor’s gate is building the slightly ahead of the big bus stop, and at Peddar road it is the beautiful Jindal Mansion.

But not today. I was Slow. Steady. And Strong. I was determined not to walk.

Honestly, no one was monitoring this route. I was creating it as I went along. So I could actually pick the roads I wanted to avoid. I was making choices. Like I exhort to my kids, the easy road is a popular road. Easy to pick. Chose the hard road. Go alone. Be brave. It was easy to choose the flat road and run on familiar roads. But no…..

The Heat was crazy. Humidity was maximum. (where was the rain?) We talked about many things…2 hours is a long time….and when I begin to suffer, conversation is my only escape. The poor guy suffered all the stories of my previous runs….Vishal telling me hindi movie stories on worli sea face, Santa and me singing songs on marine drive…the works!

When I reached home, I was spent, finished. I wanted to cry. I could barely manage a bath and breakfast before I sank into the bed for a nap. I have never been so tired ever before after a 21k.  This is how it feels to give everything to a run.

Sometimes taking a new route helps. It is like giving yourself a surprise test! New landscape. New boundaries. New questions. Test the mind which has become comfortable with the familiar.

We are all training for a new race. Pervin at the top of the list with her Comrades, most of us marathoners(half and full) go
ing for our PBs and some of the half marathoners aspiring to run their first full marathon. Let us all fasten our seat belts……the rollercoaster ride has begun.

I really had to dig deep today. I had to summon up all my experience of all these years. There was constant conversation on between my mind and body. Luckily this time, the mind emerged the victor and forced the body to do its bidding!Today’s run has set the tone for my training this year. It will be Tough. A challenge. Mentally and physically. I need to train my mind and my body will follow. I look forward to pushing my boundaries. Being in a new place I have never been before.

Will we be able to do it?

Ran 8k today.

With my music

Late, as sanjana had exams.

A breezy non stop hill run.

I ran through familiar neighbourhood. Places I have grown up in. Passed my parents house, my school, and PDP where I have wasted many –a-evening during my college days.

The music was perfect. Although the ipod was on shuffle, it still picked out my favourite songs. All perfect for a rainy day- some romantic Kishore Kumar, one by One Direction(Sanjana’s playlist – obviously) and also a head banging type rock song, from Arnav’s. I sprinted down the last hill- with “Tonight’s gonna be a good night”, with my arms spread out, flying against the breeze and then sprinted home. But I didn’t want to stop!!!! I wanted to run forever……..

Today, it was a morning of Epiphany( a.k.a Eureka moment).

Sanjana read an article yesterday from the Mint lounge newspaper. She tells me, mom….this is the kind of stuff you write. Why don’t you send them your blogs and get them published?? Ahem……good question. Amused by her admiration, the idea that was floating around in my head for the longest time, grounded itself. On the run, this thought germinated , the remaining pieces of the puzzle fell into place and I found myself ready to put the book together.

This Readiness, is the biggest motivation for anything that we want to accomplish.

This is the readiness I had felt when I completed my SCMM half marathon in 2010 and told Savio that I would run the full marathon the next year. And I did.

This is the Readiness I had last year, in June, when I stepped my training to achieve my PB for SCMM 2014.

Readiness implies a degree of concentration and eagerness. We do our best when we are physically, mentally and emotionally ready to learn, to apply and to push. We need to have a clear objective, a strong purpose and a definite reason to overcome all the difficulties which we would encounter along the way.

The effort to keep at it, day after day as per schedule is paramount. Each practice makes us stronger as we move closer toward the goal. Once the effort is regular, we see the effect of this. This in turn has an emotional effect. It is a satisfying feeling to see progress. And this is directly proportional to motivation.

Each lesson need not be entirely successful. We don’t need to master anything in the first shot. All lessons are small steps towards the ultimate goal. While making the effort we may encounter feelings of defeat, frustration and exhaustion. This only makes us stronger. They condition our brain and can be channelized in a positive way. It depends entirely on us to extract what we think we have gained from each session. This is the positivity which we will require on Race Day. This is what lays the foundation for the last 10 k- when the race really begins! When the mind gives up, we have to dig deep and bring out these strong, unshakeable memories. All this hard work will give us the confidence we require on the D-Day.

Along with my running, I have spent all of last year reading classics by John_Milton. The recurrent theme for most of his early works is his anticaption of doing something BIG in his life. He writes for 25 years- poetry, prose, sonnets, essays, waiting for the BIG IDEA. And at age 59 he writes the world’s greatest epic poem- Paradise Lost.

To dispel any  thought…….i am nowhere close to Milton in ANY way.

To draw a parallel- we all itch to do something big, but we embark on that road only when we are ready.

Ready to commit.

When the time comes and the stars align.

These are all words of the old and the wise. All making sense to me now…..now that I have matured enough to understand. They have now become a reality of my life………

Nike is the Goddess of Victory. Her siblings are: Kratos(Strength), Bia (Force) and Zealous(Zeal).

All these are qualities we need to conquer ourselves physically and mentally.

As I begin my journey, I hope to be guided by unknown forces along the way. May the music of their song bring joy to all our hearts.

“At last he rose, and twitched his mantle blue,

Tomorrow to fresh woods and pastures new.”…………………………..John Milton

(These are the last 2 lines of a poem- Lycidas, by John Milton. here he says- that  has dusted his hands, put his cape over his shoulder and is done with writing the small poem. he is ready to move onto bigger things, a new phase in his career.)

Humidity was overwhelming.

The sun was intimidating.

The Distance, daunting.

I did only a 12k, but was completely finished by the time I was done.

When I returned, and was stretching at NCPA, waiting for the others to show up, I heard that they had done 14, 18 and even 21k!!! hats off to these stalwarts!! Sushant(leading the pack!), Rishi( who complained about running “only 20k!!)Rupali, Mehlam….not sure who else braved the distance……

And come to think of it, come October heat, in similar testing conditions, we all do double these distances and more. Why was it so difficult today?

It was my head. I was predetermined to do only 12k at an easy pace. Hence my brain put the brakes in my head and created the fatigue post 8-9k! How clever! I was tricked into believeing that I was dead tired. I didn’t even try to beat that. I accepted it.  Now (in the luxury of my air-conditioned bedroom!) I think about it, had I a set a higher goal I would have worked towards it!

On the other hand, I am in “off season”. Hence this “slacking” is allowed upto a certain level. My mind and body are in a rest mode, and have been for the last 20 days or so. I will continue this for another week ( due to more travel) . This will account for a full May of rest and relaxation. But now…….time has come……………………

To shake off the lethargy

To wake up and smell the coffee.

The pain of the last race is behind me

A new Goal is what I see.

Tighten my belt, And GET A GRIP!!!

Up the mileage

Pick up the pace

Start strength training

Get the Garmin ready to race!

Dry fruits

And protein shakes

No sugar

And no Breads

Stretching and foam rolling…

On and on it goes!!!

Point is……

Time to shift gear…..

SCMM 2015 here I come.

6.15 am

Srinagar

I laced up my shoes, put on my sweatshirt and waited my friend Harish. He’s not much of a runner, but was sweet enough to escort me. Both of us headed out, towards Dal Lake. The Boulevard curved invitingly. Surrounding us were the Greater Himalayas- snowcapped and rugged in their majesty. The giant mountains encircled the pristine lake in the blue light of early morning, creating a perfect reflection on its calm face. They were like silent sentinels for this sleepy town, having witnessed all the blood shed over the past two decades.

We started with a slow jog to warm up. It was cold and we were at 5000 ft above sea level. As we cruised along slowly, a comfortable silence prevailed as each of us seemed to be having a silent conversation with nature. A kingfisher kept us company, as it darted in and out of the weeds on the periphery of the lake.

Each step drew up a new vista. Each frame – picture perfect. The occasional boatman drawing
up the weeds in the shikara, and another with the romantic ruins of the once beautiful Pari Mahal nestled amongst the mountains.

After a fair bit of warm up – the perfectness of the scene hit me- and I flew away- like a bird. With the wind in my hair and the cold breeze on my face. I left Harish behind and just forged ahead- my heart couldn’t stop. I ran at full speed and felt the hot blood rising to my cheeks. As I ran out of breath I slowed down, only to normailse my heart rate and take off again. My heart was racing and my legs were flying. I felt as light as a bird on the grassy pavement. The tall Chinars and the mighty misty mountains showed me how small I was. Just a speck on the horizon. There was no stopping me. It was the most stunning 7k- EVER!!!

The only reason I did stop was when a group of local youths passed me by. Fear crept up within me. I slowed down. Waited for Harish. In fact, although I felt I could outrun them, I I turned around and jogged slowly towards him. Then we walked along the boulevard.

Kashmir they say is Paradise on earth. We are told that it’s a place of cherry blossoms, crystal clear waters, saffron fields and peaceful lakes, stunning gardens and regal Chinar trees. In the
mountains, valleys and countryside, Kashmir’s splendor and natural beauty is on display throughout the seasons. But the valley has been blood stained. Multitudes have gangraped the valley. Manipulative politicians, religious fundamentalists, and the poor misguided youth to name a few.

We sat on the Boardwalk to absorb the scene. Everything seemed to be in complete harmony. The sun, now higher up, the stillness of the water, the blue cloudless sky. The warmth of completion enveloped me, and a feeling of satisfaction seeped in, only to open the walls of the heart to reveal the chasm of emotions. The dark corners were filled by bursts of sunlight changed with the moving sun. The abyss is unknown and it shows its treacherous depths once you hurtle down at breakneck speed.

Many questions welled up within me. We had heard that on previous evening (it was election day) a 22 year old youth was gunned down. Curfew was on for all the three days that we were in Srinagar.

 Unrest prevailed in the old city. Calm rested over the lake. A valley of contrasts.

The frailty of Human life was exposed. This deceptive untainted scene has an ugly underbelly.

When will this stop. How will it stop. When will roses be coloured with joy instead of crimson blood!

As we sat there and lived in the moment, time stood still. I lived my entire life in that moment.

Reality is the truth of each moment.

ail

Mind: Oh No!!!!  2 Full rounds of pdp – NON stop- and jogging rest….all under 4 mins…..How? How? It will never happen!

Me: (aloud) I hate 800s! Why? Why?

Savio (growls): because its good for you!

Me: I can’t do it.

Mind:  (with a straight face) Ya, you’re not strong enough to do it……

Me: I agree, but may as well start , since I have to finish it.

(Taking a deep breath) Ok, here goes…….

Lap 1 time: 3.58 mins

Mind: you’ve managed the first one, not bad!

(Smirking) let’s see you do the rest…..

Me: I will just keep going, where is the choice?

After completing 5 more laps all barely under 4 mins…averaging 3.58/57

Me: I’ve done well! And I can easily do 2 more…..yes I’m tired, but I really want to kill it now!

Mind: (thinking- with a grim look-not saying it aloud) Oh No! that sounds dangerous.

Me: you see now, how I fly!!! My fastest 800 is all set to happen.

After doing the 7^th – 800 in 3.45 min

Me: see! I told you……..i have done it

Mind (in a small voice) yes, you have.

Me: and now, what is the last one? The workout ends now anyway, so may as well go my fastest and give it my best.

Mind: (thinking) wow, what spirit!

Me: (after the 8^th -800) hahahahaha! What a great workout…I just flew today……………

Mind: (grudgingly) : yes, it does feel good.

Me: beat you again!!

Mind (in an ever smaller voice) : as always

Me: but then how come you always get the better of me when I begin?

Mind: because its easy to create a doubt in your head when you believe that the task you have set out to accomplish is difficult, and you can’t achieve it.

Me: but how do I know I can do it, unless I actually do it?

Mind: hahahaha! You don’t!! so there is always a crack for me to plant the seed of uncertainty. Then you feed it on your own……

Me: oh!

Mind: I don’t do anything. Depending on your insecurities, that seed either grows, or you squash it! Usually, ( in a smug voice), you feedit well, and it grows, grows and how! To incredible proportion , and most times without reason!

For a change I am speechless…….

Mind: (continuing) youdo this to yourself as you don’t have any faith in yourself and your capability. I am here to help you, to support you. But if you can’t take my help, what can I do?

Me: (stunned)

Mind: you allow the whispers to find home in your head, so they settle down in dark corners in such a way that you don’t even realize that they exist. Then these ghosts strike sometimes with reason, but most times without reason.

Me: (accusingly) and you enjoy this game???

Mind: hahahahaha, why not? You invite the devil into your head AND allow it to exorcise you! I’m only watching the duel……

Me: what the hell!!!!

Mind: ( gently) then deal with it.

Me: (feebly, tired, defeated) : yes, I should……..

Mind: arre, don’t be so dejected! We are on one side, rememeber?

Me: (brightening) yes, that’s true

Mind: so come on then! Take the next challenge head on and see the result

Me: (with a big smile) : DONE!!!

Mind: train your mind, the way you train your body.

Me: you mean you’ll actually listen to me???

Mind: I usually don’t, and I don’t listen to anyone, but if you dont tell anyone I will share a secret with you……..who doesn’t want to be on the side of a winner?

Me: ya, that is true. I agree. Everyone loves a success story!

Mind: so when you really  want it, you will make me an ally, and use my strength. I will be by your side, and see you through your dark times, your trying times. We will rise to the occasion together!

THINK! THINK!

Me: The Power of the MIND!

Mind: The Power of One!!!!

When I started running, it was because it seemed like the most convenient thing to do, as a form of exercise. Didn’t need a gym membership, or fancy clothes and gear. Didn’t even have to go anywhere! I would just put on my old tracks, slip into my “sports” shoes on and step down, look left and right – to decide which way my heart felt like taking me. How much I ran depended on my schedule…the kids’ school bus time, waking up time…..and the like. It was so simple- so I could make it a part of my life. The more I ran, the better I felt. I understood the concept of “my time”, as I carved out more and more of it from my so-called busy life, for running.

Finishing my first half marathon in all of 2 hours and 45 minutes at SCMM 2004, I felt like I had accomplished a BIG thing. I walked a lot of the last 4-5km, but it was an achievement for me!

10 years have passed since. Much has changed. The one thing that hasn’t is that running is still teaching me things about myself, making me into my own person. The time I spend running, is the time I lead life at my own terms. That is an empowering feeling.

Yesterday was women’s day. I feel it’s my day every time I run! The very act of running is a liberating one. The wind against your face, blood rushing to my brain, the rhythmic heartbeat, the hair flying in the breeze, the smiles of the other morning people and the music in my head.

We women juggle a lot. Work. Kids. Homes. Friends. Spouses. Real life……. I feel running allows you to do all that, and squeeze more out of life. Usually I am back home after a great run, before the kids are even awake, or the home stuff has begun. We find a million excuses not to do things for ourselves as guilt is a big factor of our lives, just waiting to rein our desires.

So running is the answer!!

Run……Feel  Free…..Be yourself!

I woke up with a catch in my back, which only gets aggravated during the day. As I obsess over it, it grows, then disappears only to reappear again! By evening it appeared to have subsided after a small massage. It was time for a sustained release pain killer. Watched “Chariots of fire” for inspiration and imagined myself sprinting to the last 400m like the guys, with the much played theme song, ringing in my ears and me running in  beautiful slo-mo(of course no such thing happened!).

Sunday 3.52 am

Slept well, woke up feeling fresh. The back spasm was still around to torment my head. I decided to kill that thought with a combiflam. Then I armed myself with a brand new ipod( for the last 15 k) and my gels and was off!

Battle gear on….SCMM 2014 here I come…………

The race strategy was worked out well in advance. A a slow warm up, followed with a constant pace through the race with a bit slower pace on the inclines.

The 3 musketeers (Rohan, Vishal and me) started well and stayed together and bang on target race pace.

It was a glorious day and I felt invincible.

I was running with Faith,Faith that I could make it happen.

With Confidence, that it was my day.

With Belief, that I could do it, that I would do it.

All along the way, as usual we were chatting away as if it was another Sunday long run. My refrain for every km was, “Don’t make me talk! I should not be talking!” Just before getting onto the sea link I discovered that my ipod had fallen off along the way, and the first of my demons returned! I would have to battle the slog kilometers by myself!

By kilometer 21, we became a quartet with Raghu, a runner from Bangalore who like us, was a 4.30 runner, running for his personal best! He had been tailing us the whole way and after 2 hours we officially inducted him into our bus. More conversation! Whew! The pack stuck together for the next 7-8k. we motivated each other and got into rhythm. As we reached Worli sea face, the boys felt the heat and they faltered. I gathered all my courage and decided to keep going.

I maintained the same steady rhythm and pace until the 35km mark. I was all alone; I had passed some good runners who had run out of wind. My wily mind was playing new tricks on me by the minute. I surrendered to the steep incline of Peddar Road, as I walked 20m, and then started a slow jog, just in time to save my face, as I passed by friends and family, all rooting for me!I increased my pace with their encouraging words and once the uphill was done with, I started flying. Approaching my building, where I knew a large crowd was waiting for me, I was in high spirits. A fellow runner nick named me : “Celebrity of Peddar Road”  The hard work was done and the hardest part of the race was over. Now only the home stretch – 6 km to go. I blazed downhill, with Rhea and Aadit (my niece and nephew) in tow- as I did my fastest 1 km with them! I was on a roll…….

Come  Chowpatty , Samir Bhatia ran an inspiring 500m with me. He restored my confidence for a great finish at a consistent pace. I looked strong, and felt strong.The battle between my brain and my fatigued legs had started to get ugly! After every kilometer I was pushing the pace for 20-30 steps and I just kept going. It was a glorious feeling to pass by the brave marathoners who had now slowed down to a walk. Each step was me reinforcing my belief- I was going to make it happen.

“Failure is not an option”

“I have not come here to walk!”

With this mantra I forged ahead. Passed by more family at Marine Drive and Churchgate, by when I had run out of steam and greeted them only with a tiny wave of my left hand! I had only one focus.

With 500m to go, my partners from my previous marathons- Raina( my friend’s daughter) and Sukpreet paced me. I struggled to keep up with them. I saw the 300m mark approaching and then the finish line appeared. An open road ahead of me. I left everyone and everything as I sprinted to the finish!

SCMM 2014: -4:09:21: my personal best

I set a target.

Trained for it.

Achieved it.

All the hard work paid off.

All my words worked. Words and dreams, which are strong enough to start wars.

It is 4.25 am on Monday morning (when I wrote this). I have been  awake since  3 am because of excruciating pain in my back and legs. 

But it has all been worth. In one month all this pain will be forgotten, as I set new targets, and gear up to push myself harder than ever before.

The end of something is merely the beginning of something else.

New horizons await.

A new frontier beckons.

Slept at 3 am on Friday.

A Ridiculously packed Saturday.

Slept at midnight on Saturday.

Slept 8 hours in 48 hours.

Paid the price on Sunday.

I head out for my 20 km run at 5.30 am. Amidst self doubt I plod along. I was sure that this was one run I would not finish on my feet. At the 3.5km mark, Vishal and me passed by Reshma, Jasmine and Pankti. Jasmine reminded me of my previous blog, where I had ignored the weather and had just run. Today, I had forgotten my own words , as I looked for excuses. Humidity. Heat.

Thank you Jasmine. Your words took me far. I kept repeating that mantra in my head, as we reached the 10 km mark. There we met Rahul, who pushed us both, at in incredible pace. Soon enough, I ran out of wind. Memories from SCMM 2012 cam

e flooding back as I felt my legs solidifying and I walked up 400 m on Peddar Road. There at HSBC, Rahul was waiting to pull me along. And then there was no looking back. We raced back at a sub- 6 pace……I overcame a few moments of complete breakdown, as my running partners did not let me stop!

65 mins to go 10km

59 mins to return…including walking and all drama!

20 km.One of the hardest runs of my life.

All these days, I was confident and self assured. But today a small crack allowed the flood gates to open! The wall came crashing down. Weather and incline became factors in my life again! I allowed it all to get to me. I created room in my head for doubts to creep in.

After this crackling finish, Vishal and I walked back to car, ready to crash. But not Rahul. He went back for another 4km, after his 21 with us, to pace Abbas and Dev who completed a whopping 60 km run in this treacherous weather! These stalwarts completed an Ultramarathon! Hats Off!

Every day can’t be a good day. I know that. So I hang in through the bad runs,hopefully my next run will erase this memory. Reflecting on the Sunday run, I look for positives. Alteast I was out there. Running. I fought the exhaustion and my ghosts. Post run,  I was on top of the world, floating, as my legs were numb!

I learn, on the days when you don’t feel like a run, are the ones when you need it the most. There is a different sense of accomplishment we feel when we complete something which we never thought is possible.

“Your body will argue that there is no justifiable reason to continue. Your only recourse is to call on your spirit, which fortunately functions independently of logic.”

– Tim Noakes 

Professor, runner in more than 70 marathon and ultra-distance event
s

I am working now on Negative Splits, increasing my speed as I believe stamina for mileage will come. After 2 full marathons below my belt, I want to test  speed along with endurance. Hence, I am running relatively shorter distances, at faster paces.

I run the first half at a regular long run pace, and step it up in the last 5-6 km. it takes a lot of determination to pick up my tired legs and to push the drained out brain. But, once I start its even harder to keep at it for the next few kilometers. It consumes my entire being to keep going.

But I stick at it,with only one single thought, that I should keep going, and this too, shall end.

Today, I ran 18k, with 4 km – from km 13- km 17 at a faster pace.  I got a stitch at this speed, I wanted to give up. I actually stopped for two seconds, but started running immediately after.

I ran with pain.

I ran because I wanted to.

I ran because I could.

I focused all my energy towards the one goal I had today. And, I did it.

4 km – from km 13- km 17 @ 5.33 min/km.

I felt I had died.

But, died and gone to heaven!  

On reaching NCPA, I heard some of the runners  discussing humidity….But I had not even noticed!

Me- me whose favourite peeve is the weather- the sun, the temperature!

I just ran.

It was only me and the road.

Today, I found a quote on Kristen Armstrong’s blog:

“What you focus on, Expands.”

Wow- an epiphany.

I now understand what has been going on in my brain. All this time I was focusing on the difficulties- weather…distance…..et al, which only made the run harder. The mere thought of it and what it might mean becomes consuming and much bigger than the actual challenge.

It was the same for the hill run last week. I just put one foot in front of the other continuously,  and kept going.as a result- I ran all the hills- non stop- something which I have always aspired to do!

The walls are crumbling…….the mind is getting clearer……

When we focus on problems- doors close.

When we focus on possibilities- doors open.

Let us remember we can decide what we want to focus on.

The choice is ours…..ours alone.