Over the past few months I have been in a state of fugue vis-a-vis my training and hence with my life, in general. I let things rest, expecting some clarity to come with time. 6 months later, and nothing. I spent time with my piano, with casual running, with work. But it is not the same. The drive, the focus, the overall sense of satisfaction has disappeared.

I have started training with the gang, albeit am always two steps behind them, as the willingness to bear pain has dissipated. So, speed work is an epic fail- and long runs…oh, how I love long slow runs. The sanctity of Sunday runs is maintained. Consequently, training is erratic, at best.

Along with my running, what I have been dragged into, literally, is swimming three times a week. All these years I have always looked forward to Mondays as my sleep-in morning. Monday was(!) my rest day. Alas, this year, I am in the pool at 6.45 am for a session with the coach and 3 amazing triathletes! It is good for recovery, Sanjay tells me. I am not sure if I believe him! I struggle to keep up with them and matter-of-factly halve the number of laps per drill when the coach instructs us. This much swimming is enough to kill me! Nonetheless, I have begun to enjoy these sessions and thus have moved my rest day to Tuesday, which has turned into a nap-in-the-day day, as my body recovers from the madness of the weekend (I’m including the Monday morning madness with the weekend).

My first swimming lesson was about 6 weeks ago. From panting after each length, I have now progressed to being able to swim 4 lengths at a stretch. The coach says I am doing well and I am thrilled! Several times over the past few years I had tried to learn how to swim freestyle but it always got side-lined when training for the Mumbai full marathon peaked. This year, I plan to keep my thrice a week swims on. Instead of running 5 days a week I now run 4 days a week.

As if running and swimming was less, one day, a road bike, along with the trainer showed up at home. I really didn’t have a choice but to start cycling, as well. How I have cursed Pulin for this! I have no room left in my room to walk around, with the piano on one side and the bike on the other!

Oh, how grateful I am for friends like these!

There are friends who inspire you and show you how to dream

And then there are friends, who hold your hand, give you courage, allay your fears and promise to be by your side.

We need both kinds.

And I am grateful for them.

This year, to integrate both these sports, while training for a full marathon in 2 months, is a juggling act. Along with a plethora of workouts now to choose from, now I also need to decide which sport. Ah me, the complexity of a simple life of fitness!  As a result of all this, I now spend my days in a perpetual state of exhaustion. I feel like I am the zombie I used to be 4 years ago, when I trained for my first real marathon and my body was just getting accustomed to the hard workouts. I am eating like a demon and enjoying it!

Having done this for a month I understand how each day brings me a new high. A new sense of achievement. And real joy, yes, as we all know, is in training and beating ourselves. Being stronger today. Progress is important, be it slow or fast. It is imperative to keep moving forward.

As I mull over where I have reached today, with these 3 sports, I realize that swimming had been in my peripheral vision for a few years, that once I would reach a certain plane with my running I would try my hand at triathlons. That is why it has happened. Unknowingly, I have drifted towards it. Our thoughts really determine our course of actions, consciously as well as unconsciously. We gravitate towards what we believe we want. Everything has a time of its own, we just need to realize when that is and seize the opportunity. And then if another good thing comes your way, grab it too. It could overwhelm you at start, but where there is a will ether is a way. Life needs to be led wider and richer. We don’t always need a goal, we just need direction.

As I look for meaning in each day, a purpose for our time on earth, I see that we are but minute specks in an abundant universe. All we can do is lead our life in the best way we can, by living each day filled to the brim. By squeezing how much ever life we can out of each day.

The start was very crowded as the area designated for the runners was very narrow. We got into rhythm fairly quickly and by the third km we were faster than our target pace. We tried to rein the pace in- but it just wasn’t happening. The route was scenic. Legs were fresh, great weather and awesome crowd support. So we decided to roll with it.

This being my first full marathon outside Mumbai, as I ran in unfamiliar surroundings, my thoughts were free wheeling. I had an out of body experience, as I wondered. What am I doing here? Thousands of km away from home. It was me. By myself. In rhythmic tandem with my cadence, this voice over started in my head. Like a movie going on… “You are here to run the race of your life. You have obliterated all doubts and fears and you have faith in your training. You are here to do your personal best and that is what you will do. So brace yourself and run strong.”
I ran with positivity, smiling and hi fiving everyone around. As we chatted with some local runners, they were surprised to hear that we came so far away to run this race. But it’s the best race in the Netherlands. Yes, it’s going to be a good one. Lovely day, I said. But a tad too warm, a day for the beach, they said, and we laughed. We cruised along until the halfway mark, where I managed my HM PB- 1.53.05. Yayyyyy!!! Everything was as per plan.

The vista kept changing. From the quaint countryside, with lakes, bridges and lush green grass, to flyovers and skyscrapers, it was quite a tour of Rotterdam. The best way to see a city, I’d say. Approaching the 30km mark, I braced myself for the fatigue to set in. As a flyover came, I slowed down, but after that kilometre long uphill, much to my surprise, I managed to get back to the original marathon pace. This is awesome, I’m not dying yet! Feeling invincible, I said to myself, nothing can go wrong now! In a race, the job of the muscles is to perform. The job of the mind is to cope.
Sailing through at marathon pace, I remained strong in my head. I sang a bit, danced some and soaked it all in. At 35km there was a sigh of relief…no Peddar road here!

At 37 km, “5km to Boston- run hard, don’t settle.” This message from a dear friend flashed in my head and I forged on. I did not look at the overall time. Instead, my focus remained on maintaining the pace. The pace was slightly hard, but not intimidating. I had a plan and I stuck to it. The crowds became more frenzied towards the end, as did my music. And I let it rip. Right Now, said Sammy Hagar!
The final few km were a breeze as I streamed past the runners who were slacking. I knew I was bang on target, and would finish well in time, and when I calculated my finish time with a kilometre to go, I was shocked! How could it be? This spurred me on to do the last kilometre at a scorching 5 min/km!

I ran this race with gratitude and belief.
Grateful that I have made it so far in life.
Grateful for all the love I have been showered with.
Grateful for the support of my family and friends.
Belief in the training.
Belief in myself.
Belief in the day, in the moment, in the Now.

One cannot improve as an endurance athlete except by changing one’s relationship with the perception of effort. Perceived effort is essentially the body’s resistance to the mind’s will. The fitter an athlete becomes the less resistance the body puts up. The key, I learned is to work hard, so hard, that the hard seems doable. Almost easy. That the effort does not feel overwhelming. How to get “comfortable” at an uncomfortable pace has been the focus of my training for the last 6 months. This included a lot of easy running to fatigue the legs and then doing a long run at marathon pace. This toughened the mind and conditioned the legs.

It is when life bends us to its will and we don’t break that we learn what we are made of.

It has not been an easy-breezy year compared to my previous years, when my improvement had seemed almost effortless. The ADHM and SCMM races didn’t quite go the way I had imagined to run them. I did alright timing wise, but I felt I had to work really hard. Maintaining the constant pace was very hard and took a lot of focus. So post Bombay when I ran Thane, I got the same time as Delhi but I felt I was flying. That is when I knew that the training was coming together and I got a lot of confidence for this race.

Mo Farah said this before his first marathon, “This will be the hardest race of my life.” He wasn’t being negative; he was bracing himself.

I flew across the finish with my arms open wide embracing the world and all its joy. 3.48.33! 42.2 km. NN Rotterdam Full Marathon.

I was in seventh heaven. Tears of joy streamed down my cheeks. This finish time is my ticket to my next full marathon. This run was the culmination of a 2 year dream.  In January 2014, when I watched “The Marathon Movie” a day before SCMM, this seed was sown- to, one day; in the near future qualify for the mother of all marathons. Boston 2017, here comes The Running Soul.

And my speed training this year, I know has not been consistent. The goal for Delhi was simple. Better the last year’s race by a minute. But run a constant pace tempo. End result. I got my time. 1. 53. Yes a PB. Am I thrilled? No.

Instead of running a flat pace, my pace varied with my mind and my music.My thoughts and my temper.
I have not been able to hold this pace even during my tempos while training. Expecting me to do this on race day, was to expect a miracle. The miracle which usually does happen on race day. But I did not even control the mind enough, to will that to happen.

Rahul, Ashima and I started well and stayed on course till 8 km. After that something snapped and I squandered away all my focus. Rahul went on, holding the pace whereas Ashima’s and my pace slipped. I knew. I could see it. I could feel it.  Instead of tightening my belt, I let it continue. The crowd was not motivating. I had to look within, dig deep and pull myself up- but I did not.
At 16km, India Gate showed up and I snapped out of my reverie. So I told Ashima, lets buck up and like a demon possessed I smiled to myself, picked up pace and forged ahead. Unfortunately I lost Ashima there.
My  iPod blared-“I’m coming out… So you better get this party started! “And there I was. Cruising.
As it happens towards the second half of the race, all runners have settled into a rhythm and it’s pretty much the same group that you run the race with. There was a runner who has been zig zagging around me for the last 3-4 km. I had been maneuvering myself around him but in my new avatar- I held my hand left hand out- as I overtook him – and said- this is my lane. Do not cross! And I took off!
Already in rhythm, I pushed the turbo button for the last 2, doing my best to bring the average pace down to beat my last year’s time.
And I did it.

ADHM 1.53.54 to beat last years 1.54.57.
It wasn’t hard. I had just not focused enough.

Training like this, has increased the joy in my running. I did enjoy the race. Yes. I still made conversation and laughed a bit The ease with which I held pace surprised me. What shocked me though was that I ran a 1.53 half marathon and I was not thrilled. The ecstatic feeling of last year is not replicated. And that I feel, reflects my growth as a person and a runner, where the method has become more important than the eventual result. Awareness of every thought and every move is making me more alive. I am getting more out of each run. Each race. Each day. Each minute.

44 days to SCMM.

I better wake up else I will be left singing sad songs!

That I’ve not run so fast all season.
That it wasn’t raining.
Warm up done. I picked up pace. I held it for a while, but when the heat got to me and I faltered. Rahul, being stronger and faster carried on. Now my only goal was to keep him in sight. Further down the road, Malay decided to join me. And there we were. Trotting along. Barely managing to hold pace. And then we turned around for the second half. Around 6.5 km I stopped.

For no reason.

No pain.

Not even out of breath.

Malay stopped too, with me.

Wondering if all was ok with me. Also wondering why did I stop. when he asked me I had no answer. I only managed to mumble – sometimes my brain gets the better of me. After gathering my wits/ thoughts/ will power, we started again. I had about 2.5 km to finish and 500m into the run I felt I got a stitch. Then my entire stomach seemed to be tied in a knot. I could barely breathe. But I continued running. It was an ordeal. I was ignoring the pain and going on. And all this happened within a kilometre. Suddenly, I saw the light. I couldn’t breathe because I wasn’t breathing. And that was root cause of all my difficulty.
Eureka!
So deep breaths!
Within 10 strides the knot dissolved.
And it got easier.
I found my rhythm.
With 100 m to go I sprinted to the finish and I brought the average pace down to a respectable figure. Not my target pace, but close enough.
Not bad!

I spoke to Savio post run. As usual he has the same words for me. Only if you relax and run can you run fast. Keep your shoulders loose and breathe. And there I was….Tightening up due to stress. From my brain down…arms shoulders stomach… All in tension. Constricted.
These words we hear all the time- but only when we experience it do we understand.

Life lesson.

And I put it into good use- when I left my wallet behind in a cab. When despite calling the driver, I had to catch a cab back from the airport as his cell phone was unreachable. When something was wrong with an order of furniture at work for a site, and I could only find the solution 3 days later. After a few minutes of panic. Deep breaths. What can I do. Relax and let it happen. Because that’s the only way it will.

Epilogue- The above run happened 2 weeks ago. And I have written it for myself today (Friday- 2nd October) as I had an absolutely disastrous tempo this morning. Yes I will blame the weather. And my hectic work schedule. But the point is…

When it got tough I gave up.

No talk. No discussion.

It was a bad day. I’m going to put it behind me. Everyone has bad days. They just don’t talk about them.

This is what I learnt from it…

1. Learn to appreciate your bad runs: We all hope that the stars will align on race day and we’ll have the perfect race that we’ve been training for. It is, however, possible (god forbid!) that you will encounter some problem or another during your race, whether it be excessive heat or cold, a stomachache, or anything else that might impede your performance. Or when you simply need to dig deep for the last push- when everything has given up. This is where your bad runs of the past will become your best friend. Learn to love them and fight through them, because, chances are they’ll help you push through a tough race in the future!

2. Learn to appreciate your good runs: Don’t take your good runs for granted. We are all training hard to earn them. If you have a bad run, make sure you keep in mind all of the good runs you’ve experienced in order to keep yourself from getting discouraged.(In writing this I’m only telling myself this!)

3. Track your bad runs to identify possible triggers: Note any specifics of the bad run including changes in your routine (e.g., hillier route, new shoes, weather, health, rest) to see if you can identify a pattern or possible causes later on. For example, maybe all of your bad runs happen the same day every week after you’ve stayed up late the night before for work/movie/Social event!!

4. Know that it’s OK to stop: Sometimes, you just have to pack it in and turn around early. If you are totally miserable or feel like you might be close to injuring yourself (or already hurting), there’s no shame in not doing as long of a run as you intended. I know I’d rather miss out on the last 20 minutes of my run rather than spend the next month not running at all because of an injury. Take solace in the fact that you still got out there and know that one run is not going to make or break your running career. Remember, you’re still lapping everyone on the couch!

5. Run again tomorrow: After a particularly bad run, it can be tempting to curl up in a ball on the couch and refuse to move for a few days. I mean, obviously, one bad run must mean that you now suck at running forever, right? Wrong! Get yourself out there the next day or soon enough t you will feel 100% better and, in the process, realize that your bad run was simply a fluke. That is, unless your bad run is the result of overtraining, in which case, please enjoy a much-needed rest day. I took the Saturday off, as I was sleep deprived due to work!

 I ran an easy breezy 21k on Sunday, after the Disastrous Friday!

]]> https://therunningsoul.com/2015/10/the-story-of-two-tempo-runs/feed/ 8 1315 https://therunningsoul.com/2015/03/fine-i-get-it/ https://therunningsoul.com/2015/03/fine-i-get-it/#comments Wed, 04 Mar 2015 10:26:21 +0000 http://therunningsoul.com/?p=1197 Tuesday, 9 am, 3rd February

Piano Class- after 6 months of varying excuses (book, marathon, exams) and two weeks of no excuses.

The first few minutes were spent in absurdity as I could not read any of the music. It looked like a black white design of dots and curves. I was playing from memory, and playing wrong. My fingers were stiff from the sabbatical. After warming up, towards the end of the class, I got into rhythm and could play the familiar tunes with relative ease. Good, said A, my teacher, now it is time to take your training up a notch.

Groan, that meant counting the time in my head, one-and-two and …consistently. My focus could not waver. Timing she said is the skeleton of music. Once you know the notes, rhythm, is crucial to a piece being played out perfectly.

Fine, I get it. FOCUS.

Wednesday, 4th February, 9 pm, Starbucks. With M and N.

Plato. Political philosophy. Why, oh why? After 3 years of beautiful literature- Shakespeare, Milton, Oscar Wilde, even Dante, why were we reading this dull treatise on society. Just because AN Whitehead declared that all European philosophy to be “a series of footnotes to Plato”. Or, as Bertrand Russell wrote: Philosophy is to be studied not for the sake of any definite answers to its questions, since no definitive answers can, as a rule, be known to be true, but rather for the sake of the questions themselves. The dialogues set you thinking. But crucially, they force you to address the same questions in your own life. That is the primary locus for philosophy. We live in an age of pluralism. I need to expand my mind and start thinking. To start questioning.

Reading this text is not going to be fun. I will not enjoy it. I will have to read the passages several times to get them. The research will be tedious. This means consistent hard work. None of this will be enjoyable, except for the joy I will feel at the end, when it will all fall in place. And I will begin “to understand”.

Fine, I get it. FOCUS.

Friday, 6^th February, 7.45 am, PDP.

The high of the marathon had settled, but some were still training for Thane. I was done post SCMM. My new mantra was Run Less, Run Slow. I skipped the full workout as I sauntered into the ground at 7.25. I hadn’t woken up on time as I am on war with my alarm. So I stretched a bit…since I was there, and then walked out while chatting with Savio. After we reach his scooter, and everyone else had gone, he asked me- Parul, what is your plan now. I had a blank expression on my face as I was clueless. You can do much better, he continues. You need to work hard and FOCUS. Don’t look here and there when you run, and most importantly, stop talking. I listen, like a chastised child. Just concentrate, he drones on, and what is cutting 10 more minutes of your time…just run each kilometre 10 seconds faster- you have full 42 kilometres. Huh! And finally, I find my voice but I have no words. Just a silent realisation of the days which await me…sweat, toil, fortitude. Each and everyday, in my not-so near future.

It was easy to write my previous post. Dream Big, Go for it…blah blah…but when I look at the task on hand, my thoughts are slightly different. The hard work seems like a drudgery. I see myself cooking up a 100 reasons for not putting in the effort. It is my fear before any major project. This mind set of lethargy is my conscious state. But I know, deep down, within me, I want to do all of this. Play piano till my fingers pain and my mind is numb. Read the classics until my eyes can’t focus. And run, well, run until it consumes all of me. I am waiting to take on each challenge- head on. My thoughts are racing ahead of me.This is the time for consolidation. Now I will sit back, analyze, strategize. Work on my weaknesses. Figure out the core issues.

Fine, I get it.

Yes, it is going to be harder, but I am getting stronger…

LEVEL 2…I am on my way.

I am allowed to wish for anything right?

The last 6 km is our maximum effort. For some this proverbial wall (god forbid) can show up even earlier at 30-32 km. As the famous saying goes- the marathon begins at 32km. However the Bombay route is such that for me, the toughest kilometres have usually been the last 6km- post the climb at the Peddar Road hill. These are the last few but significant kilometres which most of us dread. The body is glycogen depleted, the legs are complaining and the brain is going into shutdown mode.

To run from here to the finish requires a plan, I feel. Some of us have been lucky to find pacers for the last 1-2 km but some serious strategy to power through the hot Chowpatty until Churchgate. We should think about this in advance, and see which is most suited for each of us.

Some angels who have helped me over the years are listed below…

1. Go slow at the start, warm up nicely and ease into race pace after a couple of kilometres. The more conservatively we begin, we can hope for more power at the end. Resist the temptation to fly out early in the race, as you will feel fresh due to the morning chill and the taper.

2. Know your ability as a runner- are you strong on hills? Do you want to take Peddar Road aggressively? Or just crest it slowly and conserve energy. Tackle it such. Listen to your body.

3. If you find a runner running at a similar pace latch onto her/him. Fellow runners are the best source to draw strength from.

4. If you are alone and feeling weak, gather your thoughts and push yourself. Then look around and see how many runners you are overtaking…that will goad you to keep at it! Count the number you beat till the finish!

5. Have a slogan- a mantra ready to be chanted in your head. I have repeated quotes by Haruki Murakami…”Pain is inevitable, suffering isoptional”. Another one, also his…”I have not come here to walk, I need to keep running!”. And this one is my favourite…by the Tour de France cyclist Jens Voit- “Shut up legs”. Prepare and find one that you relate to, else it will never come to you on raceday when you need it.

6. Identify a person about 50m ahead of you- and make sure that the distance between you and them remains constant, or if you are feeling particularly strong then try to beat them. As your target is met immediately set another.

7. Plug in your ipod only in the slog kilometres and take your mind off the running, blast the music.

Guys I am not a coach. These are some of my tricks learnt over the years, with other runners’ advice, Savio’s lectures and my own runs.

So feel free to comment and introduce us to your angels as well. We need all teh help we can get…
We are now ready to race the 42.2km monster – we run 32 km with hope, but the last 10km will show us our truth.

So all the best!

• The last month for the 4.30am alarm…enjoy the moonlight at the crack of , soon it will be 5.30am ;)…your eyes will open at sunrise!
• The last 4 Sundays of the gruelling long long runs
• The last month of sweating out your body weight during the hard intervals and the never ending tempos

So go for it…

• Push your limits- this is the month you have been waiting for. It is now or never. Each minute spent in training now will reward you on Raceday.
• Add the extra running day, the extra kilometres and the extra minutes.
• Control the diet for a little longer- keep the sugar at bay, tuck in the low GI carbs and make sure you are getting adequate protein.
• Fight hard now through the ridiculously tough workouts and emerge victorious. Complete it. This is simulation of Raceday. WE. WILL NOT. QUIT.
• You have never looked better or felt stronger. So enjoy the increased level of fitness and fly
• Also, do enjoy the run- yes the weather has improved significantly. So take advantage of that and put in the additional mileage. Feel the wind in your hair, the cool air against your face and the joy in your heart. Run free. Run light. Give it your best.

We have worked really hard all year, sat out the injuries, pushed ourselves beyond our perceived boundaries. So don’t be afraid to set your goal. Plan your run, have a strategy to achieve the time you want.

Have confidence and faith.

Kill it now.

Taper right.

See the magic on Raceday!!

All the best…. Hang in there- the end is near!

Post marathon we rest our body. We recover from the aches and pains.

We gloat over our completion. We give our mind a break.

Running a race takes a toll on the brain and the body. This period of recovery is essential in order to prevent a burnout. As Savio says that if you can run within 4 days of the race then you haven’t given everything to the race.
This time is to evaluate the race, good or bad, and plan the year ahead.  Set new targets and new goals.
Post a race the decision can be between the 2 variables.  Should I go faster or train to run longer? Each minutes shaved off is like a medal.
So -Why do we race?

The need to be tested, perhaps; the need to take risks; and the chance to be number one.”

There is something about pinning on a number. It’s like, you can do all the practice in the world but what happens in race day is what matters.

I love to train; you know this about me. I am happy to simply train and train and train and train, even with no set goal in mind and no race date on my calendar..

Maybe it’s the paper, rustling against my clothes. Maybe it’s the early morning wake up, the intention behind what I eat, when I go to bed, and what I have laid out on my dresser. Maybe it’s being part of the pack, the community, the sense of truly belonging someplace. Maybe it’s the provision of the water stops and the kindness of fans. Maybe it’s my watch beeping at me, calling me higher. Maybe it’s the awareness of my splits, or the burn of the effort in my legs. Maybe it’s the accomplishment of crossing the finish line. Maybe it’s the ache at day’s end that says “you did something good today.”

Pinning on a number is bold. It says, yes, I am a runner.

It speaks to the idea of getting out there, putting ourselves out there, and the glory of the try.

Pinning on a number wakes me up. It reminds me that I can practice things till I know the road like the back of my hand, but at some point I have to go for it, for real. The rustle of the number is heard in every other area of my life. I find it easier to encourage my children, because my memory of encouraging myself is fresh and real. I find it easier to try putting myself out there in other ways, because I have some momentum in my stride. I find I give up less easily, because my endurance awareness is honed and handy.

Pinning on a number also pricks a hole in the bubble of perfectionism, letting the air out, suffocating that annoying voice that tells me I’m not ready yet, I’m not enough, I may not have what it takes. If I can simply shrug off the performance mentality long enough to get to the start line, the rest manages to take care of itself. I am freed to try for trying’s sake. I am nurturing the place in me that needs a push. I unhinge and uninhibit myself, taking myself off the hook and towing the line all at once.

The simple act, pin through fabric, through paper, clasp, repeat – sometimes in life we get to choose our own labels.

We wear this one proudly.

So- well done finishers…..

Remember- it’s a new season, a new race, a new year-

and a new race is a new race so

let’s work at it with hope in our heart and wings in our heels.