Tuesday, 9 am, 3rd February

Piano Class- after 6 months of varying excuses (book, marathon, exams) and two weeks of no excuses.

The first few minutes were spent in absurdity as I could not read any of the music. It looked like a black white design of dots and curves. I was playing from memory, and playing wrong. My fingers were stiff from the sabbatical. After warming up, towards the end of the class, I got into rhythm and could play the familiar tunes with relative ease. Good, said A, my teacher, now it is time to take your training up a notch.

Groan, that meant counting the time in my head, one-and-two and …consistently. My focus could not waver. Timing she said is the skeleton of music. Once you know the notes, rhythm, is crucial to a piece being played out perfectly.

Fine, I get it. FOCUS.

Wednesday, 4th February, 9 pm, Starbucks. With M and N.

Plato. Political philosophy. Why, oh why? After 3 years of beautiful literature- Shakespeare, Milton, Oscar Wilde, even Dante, why were we reading this dull treatise on society. Just because AN Whitehead declared that all European philosophy to be “a series of footnotes to Plato”. Or, as Bertrand Russell wrote: Philosophy is to be studied not for the sake of any definite answers to its questions, since no definitive answers can, as a rule, be known to be true, but rather for the sake of the questions themselves. The dialogues set you thinking. But crucially, they force you to address the same questions in your own life. That is the primary locus for philosophy. We live in an age of pluralism. I need to expand my mind and start thinking. To start questioning.

Reading this text is not going to be fun. I will not enjoy it. I will have to read the passages several times to get them. The research will be tedious. This means consistent hard work. None of this will be enjoyable, except for the joy I will feel at the end, when it will all fall in place. And I will begin “to understand”.

Fine, I get it. FOCUS.

Friday, 6^th February, 7.45 am, PDP.

The high of the marathon had settled, but some were still training for Thane. I was done post SCMM. My new mantra was Run Less, Run Slow. I skipped the full workout as I sauntered into the ground at 7.25. I hadn’t woken up on time as I am on war with my alarm. So I stretched a bit…since I was there, and then walked out while chatting with Savio. After we reach his scooter, and everyone else had gone, he asked me- Parul, what is your plan now. I had a blank expression on my face as I was clueless. You can do much better, he continues. You need to work hard and FOCUS. Don’t look here and there when you run, and most importantly, stop talking. I listen, like a chastised child. Just concentrate, he drones on, and what is cutting 10 more minutes of your time…just run each kilometre 10 seconds faster- you have full 42 kilometres. Huh! And finally, I find my voice but I have no words. Just a silent realisation of the days which await me…sweat, toil, fortitude. Each and everyday, in my not-so near future.

It was easy to write my previous post. Dream Big, Go for it…blah blah…but when I look at the task on hand, my thoughts are slightly different. The hard work seems like a drudgery. I see myself cooking up a 100 reasons for not putting in the effort. It is my fear before any major project. This mind set of lethargy is my conscious state. But I know, deep down, within me, I want to do all of this. Play piano till my fingers pain and my mind is numb. Read the classics until my eyes can’t focus. And run, well, run until it consumes all of me. I am waiting to take on each challenge- head on. My thoughts are racing ahead of me.This is the time for consolidation. Now I will sit back, analyze, strategize. Work on my weaknesses. Figure out the core issues.

Fine, I get it.

Yes, it is going to be harder, but I am getting stronger…

LEVEL 2…I am on my way.

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